Crockpot of Shorts
by TheLazerBeam
Summary: My crockpot full of Yuri on Ice! Adventures! I'm open to suggestions too! Fluff, alternate universe and my grade -F smut! First chapter is Part one of Housewife Yuuri! Lesson 1: Don't mess with Yuuri and a wooden spoon Viktor!


**A/N: It just popped into my head guys! I'll promise I'll update other stories but this one just made me feel so GoOd XD, anywho, I feel like Yuuri would be the perfect housewife no matter what, but he'll kick your ass when you mess with his babies (Pitchit, Mila, and Yurio). So let's do dis manz! Welcome to the crackpot of YOI bunny escapies!**

Yuuri's eye twitched at the mess that was everywhere. This was his new apartment! Even if it was his birthday and his family and friends came, how was he supposed to pick up all this got damn mess? He was so glad he snagged it when it was available. Cheap too even though it looked like it cost one thousand dollars every week.

One year ago, or One year ago and 3 months to be exact, he won the GPF with gold. As he became more confident in himself his anxiety went away little by little and soon he was skating like he wanted to.

Fixing his glasses he huffed as he saw his friends lain in akward positions. He was very glad he could hold his liquor better, or else he would have asleep with them too. Not that anybody other that Pitchit and his family knew, he had serious OCD. It was like his love for Katsudon, which meant serious business. Kicking Chris lightly he turned over and gave a dopey grin still asleep. He shivered not even wanting to think about the dream.

It had seemes like everyone he skated against was here. He absentmindedly named them off. Minami, Yuuko, Takeshi, Viktor, Yurio, Mila, Otabek, Phichit, Seung-Gil, Christophe, Michele, Sara, and Jean. Makkachin woof'ed softly and nuzzled his leg. He leaned down to pet her. Gathering up some covers he made a makeshift bed for her and poured some dog food and water. He only had the best for Makkachin. Purified water and the most expensive dog food Viktor would buy of course.

He sighed and started to pick up the livingroom. It was a little hard vacuuming all the crumbs and scraps from under all those limbs but he managed. And hour later the livingroom looked spotless- except for the guests that were all over. Makkachin circled around him signalling he had to go. Patting Makkachin on the head he grabbed a coat and made sure Makkachin followed him out. "Good girl Makkachin! Thank you for telling me- and not going bathroom on the floor, such a good girl hm?" After Makkachin had finished he praised her and ruffled her fur.

"You know I could definitely sleep in your fur for the rest of my life and be perfectly content."

Makkachin's tail wagged as she barked and pushed Yuuri with the top of her head. "Ok, ok let's go Makkachin."

He was practically dragged to the house by his coach's dog.

When they got back he took off his coat and hung it on the shuffled as he moved things back in their rightful place and at least tried to make everyone who passed out comfortable. He sat down and sighed. He was grateful that Makkachin went to sleep. Turning off the lights he went to his own room and fell asleep.

* * *

It was 9:17 when he woke up. He rubbed his eyes wondering why the hell he was actually up at this hour. Groaning as his stomatch growled he got up and went to the kitchen. He knew that if he made himself something to eat he would have to make his 13 guests something to eat. Pulling out fruit and a shitload of stuff from his pantry he began cooking. He washed his hands and looked suspiciously at the frilly girly apron that was next to him. He didn't want his clothes to get dirty so he put it on and tied it around his waist.

Fucking Friends I love so much I would die and kill for friends.

* * *

Phichit's nose twitched as he registered the smell. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, and yum potatoes? If this was a dream it was a bad one, he was hungry though. Opening his heavy eyelids he sat up and immediately laid back down with a thump on something warm. Furrowing his eyebrows he turned around slowly as was face to squish with Christophe's stomach. How did that happen?

Blinking again he whined and called for Yuuri. "Yuuuuuuriiii! My head huuurts really bad!"

"Phichit are you up? And of course your head hurts, you had like 10 bears last night." -Ohmygodyuurilookedsokawaii- "Yuuri! You look so cute in that apron! Like a cute little housewife. You're even holding a big spoon!" Pitchit cooed. "My sweet sweet Yuuri-Candy!"

Yuuri flushed and flicked him on the forehead. His vision swarmed as he was pulled up. He held his head in his hands and looked at Yuuri with betrayal. "Why Yuuri!?" Yuuri only looked a little guilty as he pushed him to sit down on the table. Immediately food was pushed to him. "Phichit drink this. It helps with hang overs."

The drink looked a little gray and pink he stuck out his tongue even though his head was pounding. "No way! Oh and Yuuri where's my phone?"

Yuuri frowned. "Everyone's phones are in my possession for now, no phones for everyone since you messed up my whole living room, be grateful I made breakfast! Actually." He got a big wooden spoon from the kitchen. "We're doing this the Katsuki way. Eat your breakfast or you'll stay here cleaning this entire house until I find it clean enough."

Phichit looked shocked. "Of course you can't mean that righ- AGH!" Yuuri hit him with the spoon. He gulped down the entire cup and chewed some bacon while rethinking his entire life choices. Number one of warning list. Don't fuck with Yuuri when he has a big wooden spoon, I repeat, do not!

He watched Yuuri with hesitant eyes as he wondered over to the rest of the group. Oh god he wanted his phone. Yuuri whacked each and every one of them with the spoon so they'd get up. Yuuko and Takeshi seemed to be quiet and submissive when they saw the spoon. He guessed this part of Yuuri only came out when someone messed with his cleanliness and order. He shivered thinking of the cursed spoon of doom.

"Get up and go eat Viktor!" Viktor grabbed Yuuri's hand and laid a kiss on each of his fingers. "Aww Yuuri-chan~ Don't be mean, I'm so sorry my sweet cutlet bowl~"

Yuuri brought the spoon down again.

And so it wasn't pretty, neither were Viktor's fingers after that. As if he was a hawk Yuuri watched everyone eat breakfast with a smile on his face. Even Yurio hadn't complained. Setting the spoon down Yuuri walked into another room. JJ got up and followed Yuuri almost immediately. Finally looking at everyone he cried tiny tears

"Don't do it JJ, don't do it!"

JJ huffed and moved his hair out of his face. "Who do you take me for Phichit, I'm no pussycat I'm a Man." Oh god there was no saving him, he was lost from the start, he held his hands together a prayed. Please oh god whoever is listening to me have mercy of this foolish child. He still held his hands together as he hearf thwacks and yells of pain.

"Please have mercy on the irritated OCD Housewife that is named Yuuri Katsuki."

Multiple voices said 'Amen'.

 _ **Fin.**_


End file.
